Earlier in my blog I had mentioned that if anyone had any questions about my past pregnancy, current pregnancy or anything in between they could ask and I would discuss it on my blog. I have had a lot of people talk to me about grieving. They have asked how I grieved, if I am still grieving, what to say to people who have lost a child, what can they do for someone, etc.
So I have decided to write about our experience with grieving the loss of a child. I am not a doctor nor am I a counselor. All of this information I am going to write about is from MY personal experiences. Please bare with me as I may ramble or repeat myself, but here goes nothing…
First, I would like to say everyone grieves differently. I mean some people cry, some people write journals, some people talk to others, some people want to be around others where some people want to be alone. I can confirm this as Eric and I had completely different ways of grieving.
After Rylee’s funeral I didn’t not want to see anyone. I wanted to stay home and that was it. Eric on the other had felt like he needed to get out and do something and NOT stay home. Well for the longest time I could not leave Eric’s side. I don’t know why…maybe the thought of losing him too, but I could not stand to be away from him for the littlest bit. He helped coach baseball in the summer and wanted to go throw batting practice a couple of days after the funeral then he wanted to go to the game. I did not, I just wanted to stay home with him. Well we had discussed what each of us needed and I knew he needed to be with the boys and get out of the house. So we made the deal of him leaving for an hour to throw batting practice and then we would go to the game together. If I can give any other couples advice, it would be to communicate with one another on how you feel. Eric and I had different feelings at different times and we needed to compromise to help each other during this time.
Quick story…that day he went to throw batting practice and then we went to the game together. We sat all the way down the fence in the outfield (away from people). Well there was this family that sat right behind us and they had a little girl named….Rylee. This was our first time out of the house and you can’t imagine how many stories like this one we have.
People say that there are “stages” of grief and yes I do agree with this to a degree, but remember that some people will not experience or go throw all of the “stages.” Also, you may spend a month in one “stage” such as denial and 6 months in another “stage” such as anger. There is no time limit on grieving. I can tell you that Eric and I have experienced denial and then anger then denial again and depression and then back to anger. What I have noticed about grief is that it comes in waves. There maybe times where I feel good and then all of a sudden it hits me. It still does and it has been a year and a half. The hardest times we experience our holidays, her birthday, and even her due date.
My best way to describe my grief is like a roller coaster instead of “stages” The process is full of ups and downs and highs and lows. The difficult periods should become less intense. However, there are times that the grief may flare up, especially at certain dates (anniversaries, holidays, etc.)
My next post will be about things you can do for others during a time of loss.
