1 Year Later

It is amazing how your life changes when you have a child.  This blog helped me get through my pregnancy with Landon.  There were so many emotions flowing when we had him and still today the flood in at times you least expect it. I have never sat down and wrote about the day he was born.  So I sit her just after celebrating his 1^st birthday (yes he is 1!) reflecting on his first year. 

4-5-12
6lbs 13oz
20.5in
5:22pm

Now, rewind to April 5, 2012.  Eric and I were headed up to Toledo to see our MFM doctor for the last time.  See we had planned a c-section with our regular OB in Defiance on April 10.  At this time in the pregnancy we were seeing both doctors once a week and we were getting ultrasounds in Toledo once a week.   With our MFM doctor we received an ultrasound where he does a complete biophysical of Landon (it measures his heart, legs, arms, head, belly, and umbilical cord flow) as well as a nonstress test.

On that particular day we received the ultrasound first.  The tech came into the room and took a bunch of pictures and went on her way.  Then a few minutes later the head tech came in and said she needed to take a couple more pictures and she would be done.  Well this wasn’t unusual for us as she has come in to our room in the past to double check or to take different angles of something.  Our doctor seemed to be particular and that was fine by us.  So she was in there for what seemed to be 30 seconds and left. 

Then the nurse came into our room and said she was ready for our non stress test.   We went into another room and I was hooked up to the monitor.  I would be hooked up for 20 minutes and in order for us to go home Landon needed to have two heart accelerations within 20 minutes.  The only way this happens is when he moves around.  Well I think he was taking a nap.  The nurse came back in to check on us and “tried” waking him up.  This usually consisted of her pushing on my belly and yelling at my stomach “WAKEY, WAKEY, BABY”  Landon moved around a little and then seemed to settle back into a good spot.  She then asked me if I wanted her to use the “baby buzzer”  If I haven’t told you about the baby buzzer it is AWFUL.  It is this little buzzer they put next to your stomach and buzz in order to wake the baby and let me tell you it scares the crap out of him.  The first time we had that done I thought we was going to come right out of my stomach.  She proceeded to tell me that she didn’t have to use the “baby buzzer” and that she could just let me stay on for another 30 minutes.  So I opted for the 30 minutes.

When she left I grabbed a snack and some juice since this usually wakes him up.  She came back in to check on us and said that everything looked good and she was going to show the doctor the test and she would be back with us.  We explained to her that this would be our last time here since we had a scheduled c-section in 5 days.  She was very happy for us and left the room and said she would be back to send us off.

Then about 3 minutes later a knock on the door and then entered the doctor, a nurse, and some lady I have never seen before.  I instantly started to panic.  At this time we knew that when we would see the doctor that meant something was wrong.  He then said “I told you that I would get this baby out alive and I have noticed a change on the ultrasound and you are going to go up to the delivery floor and have a c-section now.”  WHAT?!?  NOW?!?  I didn’t know what to do or say or think.  Neither Eric nor I asked what he saw on the ultrasound and he had mentioned the umbilical cord flow was not where it should be.  Umbilical Cord…not again…

He then introduced us to the lady that I have never seen.  He explained that she was going to take us to her office so we could call whoever we needed to call and to fill out some paper work.  We had called all of our family and texted some of our friends.  They were all on their way up to Toledo and Eric and I were on our way to the delivery floor.  When we arrived to the delivery floor, the surgeon was there with a team of students…yes it is a teaching hospital.  We met the surgeon and he told us that he would see us in a little bit.  WHAT?!?  We checked in and the nurses acted like it was a normal routine, which I am sure it was probably routine for them, but not for us.  At this point I was still holding strong and then the nurse took us to our room and asked us if we had gotten an Easter basket for a little one…then I lost it.  Yeah a question like that broke me…I started crying because we had not bought him an Easter basket because he was not suppose to be here until after Easter.  Funny how the littlest thing and break you. 

She got us settled into our room and had me change into a gown and strapped me up to the monitor to listen to Landon.  We sat there and she asked us some questions.  Once she learned that I had a snack not too long ago she left and went to talk to the doctor.  She had came back and said we were going to have to wait since I had something to eat.  They told us they were going to continue to monitor Landon and I until about 5:00 and then we were going to go back.  They did not want anything to happen to me if I needed to be put completely under so that is why we had to wait.  So we had to wait and wait.   This gave our families time to get up to the hospital. 

Those couple of hours seemed like FOREVER, I was then taken back to the operating room around 4:30 and Eric joined me.  The whole c-section is for another blog…but long story short he was born with a true knot in his umbilical cord.  After I was cleaned up the surgeon came up to me and said “it was a good thing you got a c-section.”  We were truly blessed.  When we decided to have another child they told us the odds of us having another baby with an umbilical cord issue was very slim…well it happened again, but this time thankfully for all of the monitoring he was delivered safely.  God is GOOD!

35 week checkup

We went back to the MFM doctor and this time they did a full ultrasound with measuring everything even a growth check.  Well our fluid had decreased, but as still in the normal range and everything else looked good.  He weighed in at 6 lbs 3 oz.

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...36 weeks

34 week checkup

Our 34 week checkup was 2 weeks ago…I know I’m little behind.  Anyways we went to the MFM doctor and they did an ultrasound which measured his movements, fluid, umbilical cord flow, and they watched him practice breathing.  Well the doctor came in and told us the my fluid had increased from 16 to 19.2 and wanted to keep an eye on it.  He said that there could be many reasons why it increased, but I was still in the normal range.  Anything over 20 is considered high.  He said that they just wanted to keep an extra eye on the fluid and did not want it to increase. He has also told us that he would like me to deliver at 37 weeks.




Today I am thankful for being pregnant...36 weeks

Biophysical profile

Thursday we had our biophysical profile done.  The doctor said everything looked good so he also had me do a non stress test while I was there.  During the test, it said I had a contraction so they then had to check my cervix.  The doctor came in the room and said everything looked good and that I will be going up to the MFM doctor once a week (every Thursday) and then to the regular OB once a week (every Monday) until this little one arrives. 

He was not very cooperative during his picture session.  He had his hands and feet covering his face, but he was showing off something else during this visit.  The ultrasound tech said “well he wants us to know he’s a boy.” 

Today I am thankful for being pregnant…33 weeks

Non stress test

Monday was our first non stress test. They hook you up to monitors to measure the baby's heart rate and to measure contractions. This is about a 20-30 min test. Everytime he moves I have to push a button. They basically want to see he heart rate increase when he moves so the whole point of it is for him to move. Well they hooked me up and he moved like crazy for the first 5 minutes then he decided to take a nap. They came in and poked at him to see if they could wake him. Well that didn't work so they got got what hey call the "baby buzzer.". They put it on my stomach and sounded this buzzer to scare him...I think it worked. He jumped so bad that I thought he was coming out of my stomach...poor little guy. The test was fine and I will have to get these done 2 times a week until I deliver.

We go back to the MFM doctor tomorrow for our first biophysical ultrasound. This is a big/important ultrasound. It will measure a number of things such as his movements, amniotic fluid, his muscle tone, breathing, and they will look at the flow of the umbilical cord. So prayers for tomorrow.

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...32 weeks

Follow up on grief

This is a follow up from my last post about grieving.  I was debating on where to go with this and I finally have the time to sit down and type.  This post will be about what to say/do and what not to say/do.
Once again this is just from my personal experience and I am sure that there will be things that I forgot or you may not agree with, but this is how I have felt and still feel. 

-First never tell someone “ I know how you feel” because you don’t.  Even to this day I would never tell someone who had a stillbirth that I know how they feel because I don’t know everything behind the scenes.  What I mean about that is that I do not know how long it took them to get pregnant, if they have a support system (family, friends, etc.), if they will be able to have more children and so on.  If I came across someone who has had a stillbirth I would tell them about my story and say “ I know what I have experienced and I can only imagine what you are going through”

-Express your concern…tell them “I’m sorry to hear that this happened.”

-Offer you support, but only offer your support if you truly mean it.  If you tell someone “If you need anything at all just let me know”  then you better mean just that. 

-It’s ok to ask them now and then how they are doing, but be accepting to their responses.  Someday they may say they are fine because they are doing well or they just don’t want to talk about it at that given time.  Then there will be other days if you ask them they will want to talk/cry/scream.

-Be willing to do all the talking or be willing to sit in silence.  Don’t push a grieving person into talking.  Trust me if they want to talk they will come and talk to you.  Sometimes that ‘s all they want/need is someone to sit there and listen. 

-It’s ok to tell them “I don’t know what to say, but I will listen to you.” 

-A grieving person doesn’t feel that someone is going to fix everything so don’t try.  Sometimes trying too hard can make them angry and frustrated. 

-Let them talk about their loss.  When they do talk about their loss join in with them.  It makes them feel better that you remember their loved one. 

-Some different things that helped us get through the first couple of months were what someone of our family and friends did.

They dropped of food, took us out to eat, called, emailed, and texted us.  They just sat with us, watched movies, took us out, etc.  These are some different things you can do for someone who is grieving.

-Continue to provide support for them and I find it especially important during holidays. 

Things NOT to say

-“I know how you feel.” (you really don’t know how someone feels)

-Don’t ever tell someone that they are grieving to long and it is time to get over it and move on with their life.  Once again you do not know how they feel and what they are going through.

-Don’t tell them things like “you should do this…”

There is a lot more that I could write about, but the main point is if you know someone who is grieving offer them support if you can and NEVER tell them “I know how you feel” because you don’t.  I could tell you stories about some of the things people came up to us and said (which tends to still happened to  us to this day).  We have had several inappropriate comments made to us.  I know they probably don’t mean what they say, but just remember words can hurt worse than nothing being said at all.  So if you don’t know of the right thing to say then tell them just that…”I’m sorry I just don’t know what to say."

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...32 weeks :)

My experience with grief

Earlier in my blog I had mentioned that if anyone had any questions about my past pregnancy, current pregnancy or anything in between they could ask and I would discuss it on my blog.  I have had a lot of people talk to me about grieving.  They have asked how I grieved, if I am still grieving, what to say to people who have lost a child, what can they do for someone, etc. 

So I have decided to write about our experience with grieving the loss of a child.  I am not a doctor nor am I a counselor.  All of this information I am going to write about is from MY personal experiences.  Please bare with me as I may ramble or repeat myself, but here goes nothing…

First, I would like to say everyone grieves differently.  I mean some people cry, some people write journals, some people talk to others, some people want to be around others where some people want to be alone.  I can confirm this as Eric and I had completely different ways of grieving. 

After Rylee’s funeral I didn’t not want to see anyone.  I wanted to stay home and that was it.  Eric on the other had felt like he needed to get out and do something and NOT stay home.  Well for the longest time I could not leave Eric’s side.  I don’t know why…maybe the thought of losing him too, but I could not stand to be away from him for the littlest bit. He helped coach baseball in the summer and wanted to go throw batting practice a couple of days after the funeral  then he wanted to go to the game.  I did not, I just wanted to stay home with him.  Well we had discussed what each of us needed and I knew he needed to be with the boys and get out of the house.  So we made the deal of him leaving for an hour to throw batting practice and then we would go to the game together.  If I can give any other couples advice, it would be to communicate with one another on how you feel.  Eric and I had different feelings at different times and we needed to compromise to help each other during this time. 

Quick story…that day he went to throw batting practice and then we went to the game together.  We sat all the way down the fence in the outfield (away from people).  Well there was this family that sat right behind us and they had a little girl named….Rylee.  This was our first time out of the house and you can’t imagine how many stories like this one we have. 

People say that there are “stages” of grief and yes I do agree with this to a degree, but remember that some people will not experience or go throw all of the “stages.”  Also, you may spend a month in one “stage” such as denial and 6 months in another “stage” such as anger.  There is no time limit on grieving.  I can tell you that Eric and I have experienced denial and then anger then denial again and depression and then back to anger.  What I have noticed about  grief is that it comes in waves.  There maybe times where I feel good and then all of a sudden it hits me.  It still does and it has been a year and a half.  The hardest times we experience our holidays, her birthday, and even her due date. 

My best way to describe my grief is like a roller coaster instead of “stages”  The process is full of ups and downs and highs and lows.  The difficult periods should become less intense.  However, there are times that the grief may flare up, especially at certain dates (anniversaries, holidays, etc.)  

My next post will be about things you can do for others during a time of loss. 

Glucose Testing

Well I passed my glucose test…YAY.  We will be returning to the regular OB February 21^st and then we will be going to the MFM doctor March 8^th. 

Today I am thankful that I am pregnant…29 weeks (tomorrow)

MFM Doctor 26 weeks

Sorry I have not been on here in a while, but we have been busy and when we haven't been busy I have been completely exhausted.  Anways, we went to the MFM doctor Thursday.  When we are there the nurse takes us back and she does my weight, blood pressure, and urine.  She asked me if I was nervous when I am there...well yeah I am, but I was wondering why.  She told me my blood pressure was a little high...it was 128/78...high? really?  She didn't seem too concerned, but wanted to keep an eye on it. 

The ultra sound tech then came in to get us for our ultrasound.  This time they were checking the umbilical cord flow.  So I lay back and she started moving around on my stomach and taking pictures...let me tell you this lil guy did NOT like being touched.  He kept kicking and moving and wanted no part of getting his picture taken.  Well 45 minutes later she said she was finished taking all of her pictures and she also checked the flow of the umbilical cord.  So now was the time where she tries and gets us pictures of our lil guy.  Well once again he wanted nothing to do with that.  He kept hiding his face with his hands.  We did end up getting some good pictures.  She then left and said she had to complete her report and she would be back.  

About 5 minutes later she came back in and said she needed a couple more pictures.  Well I really didn't say anything, but Eric asked her why.  She reassured us with that she didn't get a certain view of the heart.  So I had to lay back down and she started pressing on my stomach again.  Well once again he was not helping her out in any way lol.  The head ultrasound tech came in to check on us and see if she could get it.  She had to help her get him situated to get the picture they needed.  They both left and I cleaned off the jelly again.

Then about 5 minutes later the head ultrasound tech came back in and said I want to check one more thing.  Are you kidding me?!?  Well, we had asked about where the umbilical cord was inserted at the placenta because with Rylee she had marginal insertion which means that her umbilical cord was inserted on the edge/side and not right in the middle of the placenta.  So since we brought this question up she wanted to show us and get a picture of it.  She did say the first time they checked it everything looked fine, but would check it again for us.  She told us everything still looked good with the insertion.  So then she left the room and I cleaned up the jelly one more time.

About 20 minutes later the tech came in and told us that everything looked good and we will come back in 6 weeks to check the flow again.  We will also be getting a biophysical profile done.  This will check the well being of the baby.  It will be a more in depth look at the baby. 

We got back to the regular OB February 7th for my gestational diabetes test (YUCK) and then we go back to the MFM doctor March 8th.

26 weeks...measuring 2lbs 7oz

Today I am thankful for being pregnant....27 weeks today :)

It's a.......

Uncle Rick

My Mom

We are having a BOY :)  Here are some pictures from how we told our family.  Delicous cupcakes made my Holly Kennedy at Cupcake Wishes.

Grandma

Eric and I with our cupcakes :)

Our Ugly Sweaters...Merry Christmas Everyone :)

Today I am thankful for being pregnant.

Cupcake Wishes...http://www.cupcakewishes.com

Checkup

We went to the regular OB yesterday for a checkup.  Baby’s heartbeat was 144 and everything is measuring right where it is suppose to be.  The reports from Toledo were also good :) 

Now I ask for a favor for prayers.  One of my aide’s daughter’s son, Lane, was born at 32 weeks.  Shortly after he was born they found out that he had holes in both of his lungs.  They then later found out he had fluid around his heart.  He is still a sick little baby and needs all the prayers out there to get him through this and healthy so one day he can go home to his parents and his two older brothers.  So I am asking for prayers for little Baby Lane. 

Today I am thankful that I am pregnant (20 weeks)

Well today’s appointment in Toledo went well :)  The ultrasound tech came in the room to get us and she said that she would be checking everything that the baby would let her check (meaning depending on how cooperative the little one was).  So she checked and measured what seemed like everything and explained what she was doing.  She also turned on the little “cool thing” where you can see the blood for the kidneys and heart.  It took about 30 minutes and then she said she would be back.  Eric asked how the umbilical cord looked.  Her response was “I can’t say anything until the doctor looks at it.” so of course you panic and think of things such as “what isn’t she telling us?”  “what is wrong” and on and on.  Trust me I know it’s her job to report to the doctor before she does says anything regardless if it is good news or bad news.   The ultrasound tech last time told us that we can relax so it was a little reassuring.  I then asked her if we were going to see the doctor today because I had a question.  She asked me if I could ask her the question so you could relay it to the doctor.  This office is always crazy busy with woman that are probably in more need than me.  So I asked her about the bloodclots in the placenta last time and if I needed to do anything this time even though all my tests for clotting came back fine and it showed I do not have a clotting disorder.

Well 20 minutes later the doctor walked in (not what I was expecting and I don’t think Eric was either).   I think both our hearts dropped even though we wanted to see him.   I have put it in my head that NO doctor equals GOOD news.  Well he just came down to talk to me about my clotting tests and the umbilical cord.  He explained to us that my clotting tests came back negative for clotting disorders and that is good news and you cannot develop a clotting disorder while you are pregnant.  He then explained to us that we will start testing the umbilical cord next appointment when I am 26 weeks.  He said right now the cord is very small and there is not enough fluid in there yet for the baby to start moving and turning to cause twisting. knotting, etc.  So next time they will do a doppler cord flow which will check the flow through the umbilical cord. 

So I will go and see the regular OB Tuesday to review with her the reports and ultrasounds from Toledo and a checkup and then I will go back to Toledo January 26.  I am not sure after Tuesday when I will see the regular OB, but all went well today :) God is GOOD!

Oh yeah, the little one was cooperative and we did find out the sex, but we are not going to tell until Christmas :)

 Little one at 19 weeks measuring 12 oz

Today I am thankful for being pregnant :)

Weekend

This weekend was a very busy weekend.  We went to the Toledo Zoo to see the Christmas lights on Saturday and then on Sunday we went to see a play based on the movie A Christmas Story.  We are getting very excited/nervous about this Thursday.  They will do a 2^nd trimester screening and if the little one is cooperative we will find out if it is a boy or girl :) 

On another note, I have had several people thank me and express kind words about me writing this blog.  I am glad you enjoy it.  I just found this is one way for people to follow our story as we go along this pregnancy after a loss.  Also, it helps me get out how I feel during this time. 

In the past and still today there have been still several people that have asked me questions such as “I had a friend who had a second trimester lost, what should I do or get them?” “How do you help someone grieve?” etc.  I do have a handful of friends that I talk to about Rylee often and there have been times where I might mention something and thier response is “I have always wanted to ask you that, but I didn’t know how.”  So I was thinking (I know, I don’t do that often) that if anyone has a question about anything (my first pregnancy, Rylee, the time between Rylee and this little one, this pregnancy, grieving, or anything else) please feel free to send me a private message on facebook or email me at aallen001@defiance.edu with your questions.  I would be glad to answer them on here.  By doing this I can answer your questions and help others.  I will not use your name I will just post your question and answer it based on what I went through or how I feel.  So please feel free to shoot me your questions you may have and I would LOVE to answer them.

Today I am thankful that I am pregnant (19 weeks tomorrow)

Lights before Christmas

New favorite song

One more thing...a girl sang this song at Tiana's funeral and I wanted to share it....I love it :)

Weekend full of emotions

Well this Thanksgiving weekend was full of emotions.  Tiana’s viewing was Wednesday night, her funeral Friday and then her celebration/memorial was Saturday at Tinora Junior High.  The funeral service was beautiful.  I thought the Pastor did an amazing job, it was a beautiful service.  Saturday was just as amazing.  I sat back in listened to all the people share stories of Tiana and it brought tears to my eyes.  There were soooooo many people who have been touched by this little girl in one way or another (me included).  Some people would get up and say that they personally didn’t know her, but they heard stories about her and they have been touched by her in that way.  She will forever live on through all of us. 

As I said in an earlier blog that Tiana’s wish for her 12^th birthday was to receive toys or gift cards to buy toys for the children on the oncology floor during Christmas.  Well her wish will continue.  Every year Christmas for Kids kicks off on November 1^st and every year on November 5^th  (her birthday) will be Tiana’s wish and everything that day will be donated to children in hospitals across Northwest Ohio.  Her wish lives on J

Also, today at church we had our Pastor announce our pregnancy to the congregation.  As I expected our very welcoming and loving congregation had many kind words to say to us.  When Rylee passed away many of them were there for us during that difficult time and I know they will be there for us throughout this pregnancy. 

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. 

Today I am thankful that I am pregnant (18 weeks tomorrow J)

Checkup

Yesterday we had a checkup at the regular OB in Defiance.  We went to the room and I laid down for them to listen to the heartbeat on the doppler.  Well….they could not find the heartbeat FOREVER…ok it may have been 2 minutes, but if felt like 20.  They kept pushing on my belly and moving the doppler, still nothing.  All I could do was pray.  One of the nurses said we get a couple of beats and then it flips so that relieved some stress, but I still wanted to hear that little heart.  They finally got it and the heartbeat was 146.  Thank you Jesus!!  After that was done the nurse looked at me and said she needed to take my blood pressure…HA yeah right.  We both laughed and she gave me some time to relax and came back it to check my blood pressure.  Everything was fine and we will go back to Toledo December 8^th to get an ultrasound done and if the little one is cooperative we will find out if it is a boy or girl :)

Happy Thanksgiving

Yesterday morning a 12 year old girl, named Tiana entered the gates of Heaven.   For those of you who do not know Tiana she the most amazing little girl I have ever met.  We first met almost 2 years ago.  Eric was one of her 4^th grade teachers.  During her 4^th grade year there were days where she wasn’t able to attend school.  So the school set up Skype in which Tiana could listen to the lessons from home.  Eric would then go to her house after school to help her keep up with the school work.  I remember the first night Eric came home and told me how amazing her and her family were.   He then came home one night and said that they wanted me to come over for dinner so we could meet.  Well during this time I was pregnant with Rylee and I would catch every cold out there.  Therefore, I could not go over for awhile, but the day that I met Tiana was the day she changed my life forever. 

Eric and I stared going over her house for dinner and to play for numerous hours on the WII.  She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 9.  During my time with her and the visits we made to see her in Toledo Children’s hospital I never once heard her complain.  She has taught me so much in just the little time of knowing her.  The other thing that I loved about Tiana was her unselfishness.  Her past birthday instead of presents she asked for gift cards and toys so she could give the children that were in the hospital on Christmas toys.  AMAZING.  Another thing people may not know is that Eric and I decided we wanted Rylee’s middle name to be Paige after our amazing, inspiring, compassionate, loving, and caring, Tiana Paige.  I am forever thankful for getting the opportunity to have met Tiana and her family.  She is my little HERO.  I know she will be the best babysitter for Rylee up there.  Thank you Tiana for sharing your time with me and inspiring so many people. 

Last year at Tiana's Birthday Party

This pregnancy

It took us a long time to tell people we were pregnant this time around.  We had some scares early during this pregnancy.  I had bleeding at 6 weeks for a couple of days and then again at 8 weeks.  So we were very hesitant to tell people we were pregnant, but when you start to show at 8 weeks and are only going to get bigger you just can't help it.  You don't know how many people that have came up to me and asked if I was pregnant.  First, you do not ask a woman if they are pregnant unless you are 100% sure lol.  This time around I will see a regular OB in Defiance and also a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) doctor in Toledo.  As I said before I had some bleeding at 6 weeks.  The doctor scheduled an ultrasound to check on the baby and just to reassure us, and we did get to see our little peanut and hear the heartbeat for the first time...the best sound in the world.

This is the baby at 7 weeks.

We went to the MFM doctor in Toledo when I was 13 weeks pregnant.  We have met this doctor before.  See when Rylee had passed we decided to not get an autopsy done on her since there was an umbilical cord accident.  So 2 months after Rylee we went to the MFM doctor to get the results back from the placenta (they sent that off to get checked).  They found blood clots on the placenta so I had to get test for blood clotting disorders and then they tested Eric and I for any genetic disorders.  We went back a couple weeks later and found out that all the test came back normal.  It was a good sign, but at that time we both wanted to find a reason for why this happened.

Anyways back to the doctor appointment at 13 weeks.  This office is very busy and usually never on time.  Our appoinment was at 12:30 and we did not go back until 1:20.  We were then sitting in the room and a lady came in and asked if I was ready for my ultrasound.  WHAT?!?  We had no clue we were getting one.  So we went back and explained she would be doing the 1st trimester screening and checking the heart, kidneys, cord, etc.  Well she then looked at us and told us the baby was measuring 10 days bigger than where I am suppose to be, which meant no 1st trimester screening (which screens for Downs, Spina Bifida, etc.)  They baby was very active during the entire ultrasound.  She finished and said she would be back after she wrote up her report.  She came back 20 minutes later and said she talked to the doctor and everything looked good and he said we were free to go.  WHAT?!? we aren't going to see the doctor...is this good news or bad news?  We took it as good news because he said everything looked good and there was nothing of concern.  Before we left she asked me to lay down again to see if she could get a good picture for us.  Well the baby wanted nothing to do with getting it's picture taken.  Our little baby would not roll over to get a shot of it's face.  She tried and tried to get the baby to roll over, but she had no success it just kept moving up and down so here is a picture of the baby's..........BACK at 13 weeks :)

Today I am thankful for being pregant.

My Blog

Well here goes nothing.  I am starting this blog as my journey through pregnancy after a stillbirth.  Go back to August 2009 and that is when I married my college sweetheart.  Three months after we were married we found out we were expecting our first child :)  I had the perfect pregnancy until 38 weeks.  We went in for our 38 week checkup and the doctor told us the worst thing a soon to be parent would want to hear..."I'm sorry your baby does not have a heartbeat."  This is by far the most  devastating thing that I have ever went through.  I was induced just 5 hours later and then 7 hours after I was induced Rylee Paige was delivered.  She was the cutest baby girl I have ever seen with a head full of hair.  She had passed away due to torrsion of the umbilical cord.