35 week checkup

We went back to the MFM doctor and this time they did a full ultrasound with measuring everything even a growth check.  Well our fluid had decreased, but as still in the normal range and everything else looked good.  He weighed in at 6 lbs 3 oz.

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...36 weeks

34 week checkup

Our 34 week checkup was 2 weeks ago…I know I’m little behind.  Anyways we went to the MFM doctor and they did an ultrasound which measured his movements, fluid, umbilical cord flow, and they watched him practice breathing.  Well the doctor came in and told us the my fluid had increased from 16 to 19.2 and wanted to keep an eye on it.  He said that there could be many reasons why it increased, but I was still in the normal range.  Anything over 20 is considered high.  He said that they just wanted to keep an extra eye on the fluid and did not want it to increase. He has also told us that he would like me to deliver at 37 weeks.




Today I am thankful for being pregnant...36 weeks

Biophysical profile

Thursday we had our biophysical profile done.  The doctor said everything looked good so he also had me do a non stress test while I was there.  During the test, it said I had a contraction so they then had to check my cervix.  The doctor came in the room and said everything looked good and that I will be going up to the MFM doctor once a week (every Thursday) and then to the regular OB once a week (every Monday) until this little one arrives. 

He was not very cooperative during his picture session.  He had his hands and feet covering his face, but he was showing off something else during this visit.  The ultrasound tech said “well he wants us to know he’s a boy.” 

Today I am thankful for being pregnant…33 weeks

Non stress test

Monday was our first non stress test. They hook you up to monitors to measure the baby's heart rate and to measure contractions. This is about a 20-30 min test. Everytime he moves I have to push a button. They basically want to see he heart rate increase when he moves so the whole point of it is for him to move. Well they hooked me up and he moved like crazy for the first 5 minutes then he decided to take a nap. They came in and poked at him to see if they could wake him. Well that didn't work so they got got what hey call the "baby buzzer.". They put it on my stomach and sounded this buzzer to scare him...I think it worked. He jumped so bad that I thought he was coming out of my stomach...poor little guy. The test was fine and I will have to get these done 2 times a week until I deliver.

We go back to the MFM doctor tomorrow for our first biophysical ultrasound. This is a big/important ultrasound. It will measure a number of things such as his movements, amniotic fluid, his muscle tone, breathing, and they will look at the flow of the umbilical cord. So prayers for tomorrow.

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...32 weeks

Follow up on grief

This is a follow up from my last post about grieving.  I was debating on where to go with this and I finally have the time to sit down and type.  This post will be about what to say/do and what not to say/do.
Once again this is just from my personal experience and I am sure that there will be things that I forgot or you may not agree with, but this is how I have felt and still feel. 

-First never tell someone “ I know how you feel” because you don’t.  Even to this day I would never tell someone who had a stillbirth that I know how they feel because I don’t know everything behind the scenes.  What I mean about that is that I do not know how long it took them to get pregnant, if they have a support system (family, friends, etc.), if they will be able to have more children and so on.  If I came across someone who has had a stillbirth I would tell them about my story and say “ I know what I have experienced and I can only imagine what you are going through”

-Express your concern…tell them “I’m sorry to hear that this happened.”

-Offer you support, but only offer your support if you truly mean it.  If you tell someone “If you need anything at all just let me know”  then you better mean just that. 

-It’s ok to ask them now and then how they are doing, but be accepting to their responses.  Someday they may say they are fine because they are doing well or they just don’t want to talk about it at that given time.  Then there will be other days if you ask them they will want to talk/cry/scream.

-Be willing to do all the talking or be willing to sit in silence.  Don’t push a grieving person into talking.  Trust me if they want to talk they will come and talk to you.  Sometimes that ‘s all they want/need is someone to sit there and listen. 

-It’s ok to tell them “I don’t know what to say, but I will listen to you.” 

-A grieving person doesn’t feel that someone is going to fix everything so don’t try.  Sometimes trying too hard can make them angry and frustrated. 

-Let them talk about their loss.  When they do talk about their loss join in with them.  It makes them feel better that you remember their loved one. 

-Some different things that helped us get through the first couple of months were what someone of our family and friends did.

They dropped of food, took us out to eat, called, emailed, and texted us.  They just sat with us, watched movies, took us out, etc.  These are some different things you can do for someone who is grieving.

-Continue to provide support for them and I find it especially important during holidays. 

Things NOT to say

-“I know how you feel.” (you really don’t know how someone feels)

-Don’t ever tell someone that they are grieving to long and it is time to get over it and move on with their life.  Once again you do not know how they feel and what they are going through.

-Don’t tell them things like “you should do this…”

There is a lot more that I could write about, but the main point is if you know someone who is grieving offer them support if you can and NEVER tell them “I know how you feel” because you don’t.  I could tell you stories about some of the things people came up to us and said (which tends to still happened to  us to this day).  We have had several inappropriate comments made to us.  I know they probably don’t mean what they say, but just remember words can hurt worse than nothing being said at all.  So if you don’t know of the right thing to say then tell them just that…”I’m sorry I just don’t know what to say."

Today I am thankful for being pregnant...32 weeks :)

My experience with grief

Earlier in my blog I had mentioned that if anyone had any questions about my past pregnancy, current pregnancy or anything in between they could ask and I would discuss it on my blog.  I have had a lot of people talk to me about grieving.  They have asked how I grieved, if I am still grieving, what to say to people who have lost a child, what can they do for someone, etc. 

So I have decided to write about our experience with grieving the loss of a child.  I am not a doctor nor am I a counselor.  All of this information I am going to write about is from MY personal experiences.  Please bare with me as I may ramble or repeat myself, but here goes nothing…

First, I would like to say everyone grieves differently.  I mean some people cry, some people write journals, some people talk to others, some people want to be around others where some people want to be alone.  I can confirm this as Eric and I had completely different ways of grieving. 

After Rylee’s funeral I didn’t not want to see anyone.  I wanted to stay home and that was it.  Eric on the other had felt like he needed to get out and do something and NOT stay home.  Well for the longest time I could not leave Eric’s side.  I don’t know why…maybe the thought of losing him too, but I could not stand to be away from him for the littlest bit. He helped coach baseball in the summer and wanted to go throw batting practice a couple of days after the funeral  then he wanted to go to the game.  I did not, I just wanted to stay home with him.  Well we had discussed what each of us needed and I knew he needed to be with the boys and get out of the house.  So we made the deal of him leaving for an hour to throw batting practice and then we would go to the game together.  If I can give any other couples advice, it would be to communicate with one another on how you feel.  Eric and I had different feelings at different times and we needed to compromise to help each other during this time. 

Quick story…that day he went to throw batting practice and then we went to the game together.  We sat all the way down the fence in the outfield (away from people).  Well there was this family that sat right behind us and they had a little girl named….Rylee.  This was our first time out of the house and you can’t imagine how many stories like this one we have. 

People say that there are “stages” of grief and yes I do agree with this to a degree, but remember that some people will not experience or go throw all of the “stages.”  Also, you may spend a month in one “stage” such as denial and 6 months in another “stage” such as anger.  There is no time limit on grieving.  I can tell you that Eric and I have experienced denial and then anger then denial again and depression and then back to anger.  What I have noticed about  grief is that it comes in waves.  There maybe times where I feel good and then all of a sudden it hits me.  It still does and it has been a year and a half.  The hardest times we experience our holidays, her birthday, and even her due date. 

My best way to describe my grief is like a roller coaster instead of “stages”  The process is full of ups and downs and highs and lows.  The difficult periods should become less intense.  However, there are times that the grief may flare up, especially at certain dates (anniversaries, holidays, etc.)  

My next post will be about things you can do for others during a time of loss. 

Glucose Testing

Well I passed my glucose test…YAY.  We will be returning to the regular OB February 21^st and then we will be going to the MFM doctor March 8^th. 

Today I am thankful that I am pregnant…29 weeks (tomorrow)

MFM Doctor 26 weeks

Sorry I have not been on here in a while, but we have been busy and when we haven't been busy I have been completely exhausted.  Anways, we went to the MFM doctor Thursday.  When we are there the nurse takes us back and she does my weight, blood pressure, and urine.  She asked me if I was nervous when I am there...well yeah I am, but I was wondering why.  She told me my blood pressure was a little high...it was 128/78...high? really?  She didn't seem too concerned, but wanted to keep an eye on it. 

The ultra sound tech then came in to get us for our ultrasound.  This time they were checking the umbilical cord flow.  So I lay back and she started moving around on my stomach and taking pictures...let me tell you this lil guy did NOT like being touched.  He kept kicking and moving and wanted no part of getting his picture taken.  Well 45 minutes later she said she was finished taking all of her pictures and she also checked the flow of the umbilical cord.  So now was the time where she tries and gets us pictures of our lil guy.  Well once again he wanted nothing to do with that.  He kept hiding his face with his hands.  We did end up getting some good pictures.  She then left and said she had to complete her report and she would be back.  

About 5 minutes later she came back in and said she needed a couple more pictures.  Well I really didn't say anything, but Eric asked her why.  She reassured us with that she didn't get a certain view of the heart.  So I had to lay back down and she started pressing on my stomach again.  Well once again he was not helping her out in any way lol.  The head ultrasound tech came in to check on us and see if she could get it.  She had to help her get him situated to get the picture they needed.  They both left and I cleaned off the jelly again.

Then about 5 minutes later the head ultrasound tech came back in and said I want to check one more thing.  Are you kidding me?!?  Well, we had asked about where the umbilical cord was inserted at the placenta because with Rylee she had marginal insertion which means that her umbilical cord was inserted on the edge/side and not right in the middle of the placenta.  So since we brought this question up she wanted to show us and get a picture of it.  She did say the first time they checked it everything looked fine, but would check it again for us.  She told us everything still looked good with the insertion.  So then she left the room and I cleaned up the jelly one more time.

About 20 minutes later the tech came in and told us that everything looked good and we will come back in 6 weeks to check the flow again.  We will also be getting a biophysical profile done.  This will check the well being of the baby.  It will be a more in depth look at the baby. 

We got back to the regular OB February 7th for my gestational diabetes test (YUCK) and then we go back to the MFM doctor March 8th.

26 weeks...measuring 2lbs 7oz

Today I am thankful for being pregnant....27 weeks today :)